“These next years are going to be the most selfish moments of your life.”
I don’t think I realized exactly how large of a risk I took by choosing a career in medicine until I heard those words on my first day of orientation. All the sacrifices that I have made and will have to make suddenly dawned on me. I moved half way across the world from home. I’ll miss out on birthdays and holidays. I’ll exchange hours of sleep for hours of clinical rotations. I’ll miss the occasional facetime with family. So what makes those sacrifices worth it? The answer should be easy- I get the privilege to be a physician one day. But now, as I write this having just finished my first week of medical school, it’s already so difficult to understand. I’m overwhelmed by the copious amounts of information that my mind has to compartmentalize. I’m anxious about burn out. I’m terrified of how my actions now could impact not just my future, but someone else’s future. I’m under a lot of pressure and I’m feeling so incredibly selfish- but I have to be okay with that.
Before classes began, I found a beautiful church here in Newcastle and decided to attend a service. The worship itself was uplifting, the people were so lovely, and the takeaway message could not have been more suiting. God has the ability to orchestrate chaos in a way that reminds you of your purpose in life- “the why.” He has a plan and all I have to do is let Him lead me where my trust is without borders.
In the midst of settling into a routine, committing only the first week’s 600 powerpoint slides to memory (yikes!), and sometimes wondering if I’m cut out of this, I have never felt so at peace in a long time. I have a feeling that medical school will be bigger than I imagined, go by faster than I thought, and be more rewarding than I could ever dream of. There’s no doubt it will get harder before it gets easier, but I think the most simple, yet powerful way to reduce my anxiety is to remember “the why.”
My heart lies in medicine; it brings me joy. At the end of the day, when you choose to do something you love, you cultivate an unshakable believe in yourself so that nothing- no one, no sacrifice, no fear- absolutely nothing will get in the way of that love.
I also am blessed with the opportunity to advocate for others, seek justice in an often unjust world, and above all, put compassion into action. My white coat means a commitment to using medicine as a vehicle to social justice.
I don’t know how to further explain my reasons for choosing medicine and why I’m determined to see it through, so I thought I would leave you with an excerpt from my medical school admissions statement:
“To the patients I might have the honor of treating one day, I want you to know that when my hands are in yours, so are the hands of all the people I have met around the world. I have opened my mind and heart so that I may treat you in respect to your beliefs, cultures, and traditions. I want your voices to be heard and to know that I am not going to send you on your way with a prescription in hand as a means to fulfill my paycheck. I promise to exercise my full responsibility as a physician, embodying extraordinary compassion for human difference and giving you unconditional hope in even the most challenging of times. To my own self, I want you to remember that your hands hold compassion not just for others, but for yourself too. They will make thousands of sacrifices to ensure that you can do what you love. They will turn obstacles into sources of strength and perseverance. Remember, your hands are always the first tools to catch yourself when you fall. To my Creator, thank you for gifting me these hands. I promise to aspire to be just like you, a Healer.”
CROSSING // BORDERS 